


Finally... Happiness

by BouncyDragon



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Androids, Dragon Loki (Marvel), Fluff, Gen, Genderfluid Loki (Marvel), He's also a handful when he's injured/sick, Implied/Referenced Torture, Jotunn Loki (Marvel), Loki (Marvel) Does What He Wants, Loki Gets a Hug (Marvel), Loki loves fruits, Loki might have an eating disorder, Mental Health Issues, Minor Injuries, Name Changes, Other, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Self-Esteem Issues, Sentient Infinity Stones (Marvel), Shapeshifter Loki (Marvel), Shapeshifting, Thor is a Good Bro (Marvel), Tony Stark Does What He Wants, Tony Stark Is a Good Bro, ace!loki, past trauma, tesseroki - Freeform, touch-starved loki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-18 06:13:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 13,181
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28613391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BouncyDragon/pseuds/BouncyDragon
Summary: It's all he wants, all he's ever wanted. And now he has it, and he won't ever let it go.Short stories about Loki and the Tesseract. Yes, in a romantic kinda way.
Relationships: Avengers Team & Loki, Loki & Thor (Marvel), Loki & Tony Stark, Loki/The Tesseract (Marvel)
Comments: 70
Kudos: 104
Collections: Loki/Infinity Stones, Tesseroki Fics





	1. The Favour

**Author's Note:**

  * For [worstloki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/worstloki/gifts).



> Okay, look, no judging, okay?
> 
> This is written for a friend, I just wanted to do something for them. 
> 
> It is just a cute little story, nothing more, really.
> 
> Also, I wrote this while being bored out of my mind at work, so I didn't put much thought into it. Sorry about that. 
> 
> Anyway, still hope you'll like it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki asks Tony for an unusual favour in order to get his happiness.

Loki nervously fidgets with his hands, picking at the palm of his left hand, as he makes his way to Stark's lab. Why did he think that this was a good idea? How likely is it that Stark does him a favour? But there is no one else he could possibly ask, so he suppose he has no other choice but to give it a shot, at least if he really wants this, which he does. So now here he is, trying hard not to let his nervousness show. 

It's been a few months since he's moved into the compound, a few months since they had defeated Thanos and his army, and thus had saved the entire universe. Who would have ever thought that Loki would help the heroes? Though, they aren't so bad, actually, once you got to know them, which had taken Loki a long time, but he got along with them well enough, he supposes. 

Barton and he are on good terms actually, which was probably thanks to Loki first and foremost apologizing to him, and then letting Barton kick his ass during a sparring session (which, thanks to magic, the archer had actually been able to do), much to the surprise of everyone else. Loki had looked proper beat but it's been worth it in the end, because now they are something like friends. Loki isn't exactly sure if he can call Barton his friend, not officially anyway, but he likes to think so. 

Everyone else is more or less on good terms with him, or neutral, except for Thor, of course, but Loki doubts the oaf counts in this situation. Thor is just happy that Loki is alive and apparently part of the team now, something Loki vehemently denies. He is _not_ an Avenger. But trying to convince Thor is a rather pointless endeavour, so Loki just accepts his stupidity, he is used to it after all. 

The one other person Loki would consider a friend is Stark, the man who has sacrificed his arm to save the universe. That doesn't stop him from anything though, as he's built himself a new arm and is back to his former witty self, which Loki is actually glad about, because bantering—mentally sparring—with this quite intriguing Midgardian is one of his favourite pastime activities.

That is probably why he's on his way to Stark's lab now, to ask him a favour. He hopes he won't deny him but he would understand if he did, Loki's literally thrown him out of a window, after all. Also, he is somewhat scared that he will be judged for it, wouldn't be the first time he's judged for something he likes, something others simply cannot comprehend. But he hopes that Stark would not be one of those people. 

The doors to the lab open and loud rock music greets Loki. He can't help but smile. He's come to appreciate Midgardian music, and most of all its literature, especially fiction, because escaping into fantastic worlds is a nice distraction from, well, everything. 

"Hello, Mr Loki," FRIDAY greets him as he enters the lab. "Sir is in the back." 

Loki nods smiling. "Thank you very much, FRIDAY." 

Stark's AIs are sort of why he is here, because he can do amazing things with technology—Midgardian magic—and that's what Loki needs right now. Maybe it's foolish, especially because he has to reveal a well-kept secret, but he is sure that it will be worth it, it will be good for him. 

So Loki makes his way to the back of the lab, where Stark is hunched over a desk, inaudibly mumbling to himself. 

"Stark," Loki addresses him. Stark flinches and looks up at him. 

"Dasher!" he exclaims and grins at him. "How are you doing?" 

"I'm doing well, thank you," Loki answers, deliberately ignoring the reindeer name. They are quite endearing, actually, but don't tell Stark he's said that. He looks around, his hands still fidgeting. 

Stark raises an eyebrow. "Can I help you somehow?" 

Loki looks at him. Well, here goes nothing. "Indeed, you can," he says. "It would be very kind of you if you could do me a favour." 

Stark fully turns to him and crosses his arms over his chest. "A favour, eh? What kind of favour?" 

He's smiling. That's a good sign, right? No, don't get ahead of yourself, Loki, you haven't asked yet. 

"It is somewhat difficult to explain," he admits and looks away, thinking about how to do this. Why hadn't he done that before he had come down here? Stupid. 

"Try," Stark encourages him. 

Loki looks at him for a moment and then sighs. "I would like you to repeat something you did." 

"Repeat something I did?" Stark asks confused and frowns. "Prancer, I've done a lot of things. You need to be more specific." 

"The Vision." Stark's eyes widen at the mention. "I'd like you to do it again," Loki explains. 

"Do it again?" Stark echoes. 

"You _can_ do it, right?" 

"Of course, but I would need an infinity stone, and they've all been destroyed…" Stark trails off, considering Loki for a moment and then sighs. "Oh, c'mon, you've gotta be kidding me." 

That's the thing about Stark— he is incredibly smart and fast in figuring things out, there is no point in trying to deny what he already knows is true. So Loki sighs and holds his palm up, letting the Tesseract, in all its blue glowing cube-y glory, appear. The eerie blue illuminates Loki's face, accentuating his facial features, the line of his jaw, his sharp cheekbones. 

"Please, would you do it again, with the Tesseract?" Loki asks formally. 

"Okay, first of all," Stark says and stands up, "How do you even have that? It should be destroyed!" 

Loki grimaces. "Uh, well, let's just say I have my methods…" He straightens his shoulders. "Can you do it or not? Be aware that, if you do it, I will owe you." 

Stark hums non-committal. "Let me ask you something first." Loki groans but he should've expected this. "Why do you want me to give it a body?" 

Loki looks at him and frowns. It is a valid question and Stark has every right to know if he is supposed to do it. The thing is just, Loki has no real answer, none that is satisfactory anyway. So why does he want this? The easy answer is just that the Tesseract is his friend, he feels a bond with them, a connection like he's never felt before. And he doesn't give a flying fuck about what others may think of it, because this is what he wants. The infinity stones are sentient after all, and it isn't weird at all that Loki calls the Tesseract his friend, alright. 

Loki looks into the eerie, pulsating blue of the Tesseract for a moment, then he answers, "They are my friend." He desperately hopes Stark won't judge him, because it does sound slightly weird, saying it out loud. 

Stark is silent for a moment and then cracks a smile and nods. "Alright. Any special wishes?" 

Loki looks at him surprised. "What?" 

"You heard me," Stark chuckled. "Anything specific you'd like them to have?" 

Loki still stares at him surprised. "You… You are not judging?" 

Stark smiles at him sympathetically. "Cupid, buddy, pal, I have a father-son relationship with a _robot_ , so I get it, okay. And the stones are sentient. I'm not even surprised you got a special connection with the cube." 

Loki stares at him and then smiles at him. "Thank you," he sighs relieved and nods. 

Stark smiles and pats his shoulder. "Let's get to work then, shall we?" 

He is grinning and Loki gets the impression that he's excited about working with an infinity stone again. 

* * *

It's days before FRIDAY tells Loki, who's currently in a game of chess with the Widow, that Stark wants to see him in his lab. That's either bad news, or really good news— obviously Loki hopes for the latter. So he quickly checkmates Natasha and then makes his way to the lab, which is just a formal way of saying that he basically runs to the lab. Is he excited? No. Why would you even think that? He never gets excited, he always has himself under absolute control, thank you very much. 

Having to give the Tesseract to Stark so he could work has been difficult for Loki because he's always had the cube with him, it was strangely calming. 

Loki enters the lab and sees Stark standing by the capsule in which the android body is still lying dormant. 

"And?" Loki asks, coming to stand next to him. 

Stark smiles. "Well, technically it's done. Just needs power to 'wake it up'. With Vis it had been your brother and his brute force and lightning. I mean, we could ask—" 

"No, that won't be necessary. I don't want my brother's hand in this," Loki interrupts him. "Just needs energy, right?" 

Stark nods and watches as Loki's eyes start to glow in a brilliant, radiant emerald green and his hands start to glow as well, magic enveloping them, moving like some kind of liquid. Loki puts a hand on the capsule, right above where he knows the Tesseract is embedded into the android body, and then there's a sudden pulse of magic, so powerful it knocks Stark right off his feet. 

Loki stumbles back, feeling incredibly drained, and he leans against the wall. Maybe that had been a little too much energy, but he hadn't wanted to risk that it wouldn't work. 

Both he and Stark look expectantly at the capsule. There is no smoke or anything, but the cover of the capsule is broken. Loki holds his breath and stares. There's a blue glow coming from inside the capsule. Did it work?

"That was…," Stark on the floor next to him starts. "Could you always do that? I'm pretty sure that was more powerful than whatever Thor had done." 

Loki nods, sinking down to the floor. Norns, he feels so drained and exhausted. That's definitely been too much energy but it was too late now. 

"You alright there, Comet?" Stark asks him, reaching for Loki's trembling hand. 

Loki just nods, his eyes still focused on the capsule. Shouldn't the android come out of it, if it's worked, that is? 

Suddenly the cover is knocked off and a body rises from the capsule, and then just disappears in a cloud of glittery blue and black smoke. Alright then. 

The body reappears several feet away from the capsule and stumbles a little, then it looks around. Loki stares in awe. 

They are _beautiful_. 

The body is a metallic blue, in its chest an eerie blue glow in the form of a cube (very subtle, Stark), and there are silver, white and black particles all over its chest around the cube, making it look strangely like stars. 

The face has sharp angles and gold inlays that remind Loki of his own Jötun heritage markings, which is probably exactly what they are supposed to represent, because Stark is one of the two people that have seen his true form (the other being Barton, Loki doesn't trust Thor enough to show him), and also on the head what looks like a crown. 

The android looks around. "Loki?" they ask, the voice smooth and clearly male-coded, which Loki doesn't mind. 

Loki smiles. "Down here," he answers weakly. 

The android comes over to him and kneels down. They smile and put a soft hand on Loki's cheek. 

"Oh Loki, what have you done?" they ask, the tone gentle and full of affection. 

Loki shrugs. "Overestimated." 

The android chuckles and pulls Loki into a tender hug. "It is so good to finally be able to do this," they say and hold Loki just a little tighter. 

Loki can't help but tear up a little as he wraps his arms around the android, _the Tesseract_. Finally, finally he's able to hug his friend. Friend? No, maybe more, definitely more. He wants it to be more. That's not weird, right? No, no it's not, back off with your judgemental attitude. 

Out of the corner of his eye, Loki notices Stark getting to his feet and smiling at them.

"I'm gonna leave you two alone," he says and leaves his lab. 

Tesseract rests their forehead against Loki's and tenderly caresses his cheek, smiling all the while. Loki notices that their eyes are golden too. Really, Stark, very subtle. 

For a seemingly endless amount of time, the Norse God and the now body-possessing Tesseract sit on the floor in Stark's lab, holding each other, their foreheads resting against each other, and just enjoying being together. 

This is new, it's exciting, Loki thinks. He really owes Stark big now. He's gonna tell him later how grateful he is, how much he appreciates the help, and the understanding. 

Nothing could ever come close to what he and the Tesseract have, a bond stronger than anything, pure and _real_. And now nothing could come between them anymore, Loki is sure of it. 

No, he won't let anything or anyone come between him and the Tesseract. They belong together. 

"May I kiss you?" Tesseract asks, actually smirking. 

Loki grins at them and nods, then he feels soft lips pressed onto his. It's a wonderful feeling— strange, new, liberating. Loki closes his eyes and sighs softly. 

This is his happiness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Comments/kudos appreciate, just please be kind.


	2. Pan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki gives the Tesseract a new name.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, more to this wasn't exactly planned, but whatever. Just gonna roll with it. It came easy enough and was fun to write, so yeah.
> 
> Hope you enjoy some more Loki and Android!Tesseract

"You are beautiful," Loki says smiling and trails the golden lines on the Tesseract's face. They aren't prominent as his own Jötun heritage markings are, he can't _actually_ feel them, but tracing them is still strangely calming to him.

"Thank you," Tesseract says, "Your friend did great work."

Loki nods and hums, his entire focus on the beauty of the android's face in front of him. He never could've imagined, not in his wildest dreams, that one day he would be able to hold his friend in his arms, to feel their lips on his, their hand in his hair. But here he is now, and it is wonderful, a feeling he's never experienced before. He feels light, giddy— he feels like dancing, _going completely cray-cray with joy_. What a strange and wonderful feeling, almost addictive. No, definitely addictive, because he doesn't want it to go, he doesn't want this to end, ever.

And it won't. He won't let it. He deserves to be happy, and finally he can be, he is sure of it.

"I feel like I should give you a new name," Loki muses, distracted by the star-like speckles that cover Tesseract's chest.

"A new name?" Tesseract echoes and tilts their head. "What's wrong with the one I have?"

"It's so long," Loki explains, "and also too obvious? I... I'm not sure how to explain it."

Tesseract nods. "Alright. What would you call me then?"

Loki is quiet for a few moments, letting his eyes wander over the Tesseract's body, and then he smiles.

"How about _Pan_?" he suggests.

"Does it have a meaning?"

"Depends on who you ask, I guess," Loki answers and shrugs. "For some it's the name of a Greek God, for some it's a childhood idol — Peter Pan — and for some it's just an abbreviation for _pansexual_." 

Tesseract chuckles. "That sounds like a fun name, actually."

Loki smiles softly, waiting for them to make a decision. It's not like they need a new name, he just thinks _Tesseract_ is too obvious and suspicion-inducing, and he doesn't like the possible abbreviations of it either. But if they don't like it, Loki will come up with something else. 

"Why that name though?" Tesseract asks then. 

Loki stares at them for a few seconds and then looks away shyly, slightly blushing, because there was no proper reason he could give, except for... 

" _Itsaneatpun_ ," he mumbles, kinda hoping his friend doesn't hear or understand it. 

But of course they do, and they laugh, full and light and it's such a wonderful sound to Loki that he looks at them again, awestruck, and smiles what can only be described as lovingly. 

"Of course," Tesseract says, "I should've guessed." 

Loki blushes and looks down. It's such a stupid reason and he wishes he could give them a better one but he can't, not really anyway. But apparently that doesn't matter to Tesseract, because they caress his cheek and give a quick, tender kiss to his forehead. 

Loki wants to melt. 

Tesseract leans back and hums, thinking about the name and eventually they smile. "I like it."

Loki looks up and beams at them, then hugs them, burying his face in the nook of their neck. This is amazing. He feels Tesseract— _Pan_ press a kiss to his neck and shivers a little. It is somewhat strange but also just plain wonderful to have them in his arms, to be held by them, to feel them.

Only when he pulls back a little does Loki notice that Pan has changed their appearance to look more human. The eyes are still golden, their hair medium length and looking very thick, and also coloured in a brilliant blue. Loki is actually sad that he can't see the golden lines on their face anymore, but it probably makes sense for them to present themselves with a human appearance instead of a robot one. Well, when they are alone, he can ask to see what's underneath the facade.

"Do you like it?" Pan asks, with a somewhat shy tone.

"I do, of course I do," Loki answers and kisses their cheek. "No matter how you look, I will always think you're beautiful."

"Charmer."

They both chuckle and after a few more moments, Pan helps Loki up off the ground. Loki holds on to their hand as they finally leave the lab— Stark will probably be happy to have his lair back to himself. Loki still needs to thank him for his help and understanding.

"Now, how about you show me around the place?" Pan asks Loki, drawing him closer and putting an arm around his waist (what a nice feeling). "Start with the most important place first."

"Which would that be?" Loki asks, smiling.

"Why, your room, of course." Pan smirks and _winks_ at him.

Mhm, what a wonderfully strange day. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it.
> 
> I might add to this in the future, so I will leave the chapter thingy open. I don't want to make it a series.
> 
> Comments/kudos appreciate, just please be kind.


	3. Acceptance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan helps Loki accept his true form. Or at least paves the way for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Pan = the Tesseract (I feel like I need to clarify that, just to be sure)

Loki and Pan arrive at Loki's quarters in the compound and Pan drops down on the large bed, grinning brightly at Loki standing in the doorway of the bedroom, his arms crossed and frowning. 

"What's with the frown, darling?" Pan asks him, crossing their arms behind their head. 

"I can't believe no one saw us," Loki answers, unable to take his eyes off his _very naked_ partner. He is glad that Stark had refrained from giving the android actual genitalia, they wouldn't be of use anyway. Still, Pan — _the Tesseract_ — is _very much naked_. 

Pan chuckles. "What's so unbelievable about that? Nothing would happen anyway, would it?" They frown. "Or why are you worried about it?" 

Loki looks away and starts fidgeting. "I just… I don't want them to know," he answers quietly. "At least not yet," he adds a little louder. 

Pan smiles at him. "That's alright." 

Loki smiles at them shyly and then moves over to sit cross-legged on the bed next to his friend— partner. Pan sits up and wraps their arms around Loki's waist, resting their chin on the god's shoulder, nuzzling his soft black hair. Loki giggles. 

"I've waited so long for this," Pan whispers against Loki's skin.

"You and me both," Loki sighs. 

Loki takes Pan's hand and runs his thumb over it for a few moments, Pan watches him curiously, but doesn't say anything. 

"Could you," Loki eventually asks, "could you turn back?" 

Pan smiles and nods, and in a matter of seconds the human appearance disappears and their metallic blue self is back, the blue cube in their chest glowing soothingly. Loki stares at the starry specks on their chest, before letting his gaze wander over the body once again, still in awe of the gold inlays that are all over the body. He hadn't noticed before, but they are everywhere where his own Jötun markings are as well, on their torso, their back, their arms and legs. 

Loki looks up and runs his fingers over the lines on Pan's face. 

"Pretty," he whispers, his voice laced with a tint of sadness and bitterness though. 

He's seen his own markings, they aren't nearly as beautiful as this— no, they aren't beautiful _at all_. They feel like scars on his skin, his cold skin. They aren't beautiful, they are ugly— he is ugly, that's what it comes down to, isn't it? Because he's Jötun, he is ugly. More than that even. 

_Mistake._

_Abomination._

**_Monster._ **

_**"Your birthright was to die!"** _

Loki squeezes his eyes shut and presses his head into Pan's shoulder, his entire body tensing as the memory comes back, as vivid as the day it had happened. Odin on his big, pompous throne, no sympathy on his one-eyed wrinkled face, only disgust and despise, spitting harmful words. 

And Thor… _Pretentious prick_. Forgetting him, abandoning him, letting him rot in a prison cell. All alone, alone with his thoughts, his fears and regrets, his self-deprecating mind, his nightmares. 

So much for family, for his brother _'always loving him, no matter what'_ — that's all just a load of bullshit. 

Like his entire life has been, really. 

But things are looking up, right? Thanos is gone, there's peace (however fragile it may be, because let's be honest, peace is always fragile), the Avengers have welcomed him into their home (if somewhat reluctantly), he actually gets along with them, has even made friends with Stark and Barton (he's fairly sure about that), and he has the Tesseract, now with a shining new body. 

Yeah, things are looking up, he would even go so far to say he's _happy_ — that's kind of a wild concept for him, to be honest. 

But all that has nothing to do with the truth about his nature. He's a monster, ugly and cold, disgusting. He can't change his true heritage, he will always be a Jötun, the monster from children's stories. 

He feels strong arms wrap around him in a gentle embrace and there's a hand stroking his hair. 

"Loki," he hears a soft voice whisper into his ear. "I know where your mind is going. Don't listen to it. You're not any of those things. You are beautiful and kind and wonderful." 

Loki lets out a barely audible whimper and curls into his partner. 

Pan kisses Loki's head and for a long time just holds him. They know how Loki feels about his Jötun nature and they don't like that their favourite person in the whole universe hates himself so much for something he cannot control, for something he shouldn't have to hate or be ashamed about. They know who fucked that up and wish they could _roundhouse kick Odin in his stupid face_. Alas, the old fool's been dead for years now, truly a shame. 

They want Loki to see that he's beautiful, no matter what skin he has, no matter what race he's from, but they also don't want to possibly make him uncomfortable. They know though that words don't reach Loki's treacherous mind, so actions may do the trick. They hope. 

Pan pulls back a little, much to the displeasure of Loki, who whines. They chuckle and cup his face in their hands, effectively making him look at them.

"Loki, dear, do you trust me?" they ask sincerely, looking Loki directly into his brilliant green eyes. 

Loki frowns, confused by the question, and tilts his head. "Yes, more than anyone," he answers. "Why?" 

"Then, would you do me a favour, please?" Pan ask him gently and carefully, wiping away a single lonely tear on Loki's cheek. 

"What kind of favour?" Loki asks quietly. 

"Would you show me, please?" 

Loki doesn't have to ask, doesn't have to guess, what Pan means and stares at them surprised. Why would they possibly want to see _that_? He doesn't want them to be revolted, they mean too much to him and he couldn't bear losing them. 

"But… why? Why would you possibly want—" 

"Because I want to see your true self," Pan interrupts him, while still smiling softly. 

"This," he responds, gesturing vaguely at himself, "is my true self." 

"No, it isn't. This form was forced upon you, Loki." 

"But… it's ugly." 

"Why don't you let me decide that?" They raise an eyebrow.

"I…"

"Loki." Pan tenderly kisses his forehead and then takes his hand. "Please, I would like to see." 

Loki stares at them for a few moments and the sighs, he just hopes this doesn't turn out bad for him. So he gets up off the bed and peels himself out of his leathers, except for the trousers. 

"Loki, you don't have to undress," Pan points out, yet smiling with curiosity sparkling in their eyes. 

"There wouldn't be much of a point to this if you could only see my face," Loki explains and neatly folds his garments on the chair next to the wardrobe, which causes Pan to chuckle. 

Loki looks at himself in the mirror before he rejoins Pan on the bed, once again sitting cross-legged next to his partner, this time wrapping his hands around his ankles, to prevent himself from nervously fidgeting. He isn't all too comfortable with this, he hates that form, it's why he never presents himself like that. That, and he doesn't want to scare anyone. 

_Disgusting. Revolting. Ugly._

**_Monster._ **

Loki shakes his head, squeezing his eyes shut once more. It isn't true, is it? Stark and Barton have seen his Jötun form, and they hadn't been scared, nor disgusted, they'd been fascinated, especially Stark. Although, that they had seen it at all had been an accident when Loki had helped Stark with one of his experiments, and Barton had barged in unannounced. 

There is nothing bad about it, right? They hadn't been scared or disgusted, even though Loki hadn't understood why. Is it just what he's been taught as a child on Asgard, is that the root of all this self-hatred? That makes sense, actually. Asgard was a dumpster fire after all. 

So there is nothing to be so nervous about, right, it's fine. 

Pan puts their hand on Loki's arms. "Loki, it's alright. Maybe… Maybe do it in steps?" they suggest. 

"In steps?" Loki echoes, staring at Pan's hands on his arms. They feel nice, grounding, calming. 

"Yeah. Like… Like a hand, then the other one, then an arm, then the other one." 

Loki is silent for a moment, mulling it over in his head and then nods, but he keeps his eyes closed as he slowly let's the magic covering up his true form fade away. He doesn't want to see it, doesn't want to see Pan's reaction. 

He knows how long it takes to do it in one go, he can estimate how long it takes step by step, and even if he couldn't, he knows when the magic has completely faded, because Pan moves one hand to cup his face, tenderly caressing his cheek. Then they pull him closer, their hand in Loki's neck and they put their forehead against Loki's. 

Loki still doesn't open his eyes. 

"Beautiful," Pan whispers softly, his other hand running up and down Loki's arm. "So beautiful." 

Loki can't help himself, he shakes his head. 

"Yes, Loki, you are," they say firmly, clearly not allowing any arguments in the matter. "All of you." 

A chaste kiss on his lips and then the hand in his neck moves down to his waist, making him flinch a little upon touch. The other hand comes to rest on his chest and then Pan gently coaxes Loki to lie down. 

"You want to keep your eyes closed?" Pan asks him. 

"What are you doing?" Loki asks instead. 

"You'll see." Pan chuckles, Loki decides he likes that sound and smiles weakly. "Or not, depending on if you want to keep your eyes closed or not." 

"Closed," Loki finally answers the previous question and tries to relax. He has no idea what they're about to do, though he does have several guesses, but he trusts Pan, and so it doesn't take him that long to relax on the bed. 

Pan settles their hands on Loki's abdomen, making a shiver run over him, but it feels nice and he relaxes more. The hands wander up to his chest, his shoulders and settle there. He senses Pan leaning down and claiming Loki's lips in a slow, tender kiss. 

"You are so beautiful, Loki," they tell him softly, their lips brushing against Loki's as they speak. 

Loki doesn't answer, just hums, as Pan trails the lines on his face with his fingers, then the ones on his arms, his torso. They touch every patch of skin available, slowly and tenderly, and a soft, surprised, barely audible gasp escapes Loki when they suddenly kiss his chest. 

Pan chuckles, and Loki melts as they start to trail all his heritage markings with their lips, their hands roaming over Loki's body as they do so. They take their time, savouring every second of it, cherishing every soft shiver and moan that escapes the god as the android caresses his bare torso with hands and lips. 

Loki doesn't know how long this is going on, he just enjoys it, every second of it, enjoys the no-strings-attached touching and kissing until he feels like he's floating. He barely registers as Pan gently makes him turn over and wrap themselves around him, their arms holding him close. They nuzzle his hair and whisper soft words of reassurance and love, kiss his neck and behind his ear. 

Maybe, Loki thinks as he feels himself drifting off to sleep, this isn't too bad, maybe he should try to come to terms with his heritage, see it from another perspective perhaps. There could be no harm in it, could it? Yeah, he will give it a try, it can only be beneficial for his overall well-being, right?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, hope you liked it! Kudos/comments appreciated, just please be kind.


	4. In The Meantime

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are curious, Tony has the answers, and Thor gets taught some important lessons.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No Loki and Pan/Tesseract in this chapter, except in the beginning and mentioned. It's mainly just Tony.
> 
> I'm not exactly happy with it, but whatever.

Tony is probably as curious as Loki when the cover of the capsule is knocked off and hurls across the room. But even more than that, he is utterly baffled by the power Loki possesses. That burst of energy had been way more powerful than what Thor had done way back when with Vision. But Loki's… It properly knocked him off his feet. 

He looks over to Loki, who's sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall, and looking incredibly exhausted and drained. His eyes are fixed on the android standing at the other end of the room, looking around confused. 

Tony can't help feeling a little bit proud of the android, and he hopes Loki likes how they look. He's seen the body before, quite happy with everything, but Tony's made some last-minute changes that Loki doesn't know about yet. 

Most of all, he hopes what he's changed won't upset the god. 

"Loki?" the android suddenly asks, their voice has an English accent. They sound worried. 

"Down here," Loki answers, a weak smile tugging at the corner of his lips. 

The android comes over to them and kneels down in front of Loki. They put a hand on Loki's cheek and smile softly. 

"Oh Loki, what have you done?" they ask gently, somewhat sounding amused, but mostly the voice is full of affection. 

Loki shrugs. "Overestimated." 

The android chuckles and then pulls Loki into a tender hug, wrapping their arms around Loki and holding him close. 

"It is so good to finally be able to do this," they say, and Loki leans into the embrace. 

Tony smiles at them. They make an odd, yet strangely cute couple. He doesn't know for sure how Loki is inclined and it doesn't matter anyway, but from the talks they've had over the past few days, Tony is confident in saying that Loki wants more from this than a friendship. The fondness with which he spoke of the Tesseract and how its presence calms him is a sign of that. 

And of course the fact that he's asked Tony to give the infinity stone a body in the first place. 

Tony decides to politely retreat and give them some privacy. He's in desperate need of coffee and snacks anyway, because _someone_ (Loki) has eaten all his snacks in the lab and Tony hasn't been able to restock yet. 

"I'm gonna leave you two alone," he says, smiling at Loki and the now body-possessing Tesseract who seem to not even take notice of him anymore. 

Tony makes his way to the common area and grabs an apple from the basket on the counter. He sees Natasha and Clint not far away, lounging on the couch and chatting. As he makes his way over to them, he catches part of their conversation. 

"He's run off?" Clint asks. "Like actually running?" 

Natasha nods. "Something got him excited and—" 

They look at Tony when he drops down into an armchair. Natasha eyes him curiously. 

"You," she just says. 

"What about me?" Tony asks, happily taking a bite out of his apple. 

"Loki ran off just after FRIDAY told him you wanted to see him," she clarifies. "What is going on?" 

"Wait," Clint chimes. "Loki got excited because Tony wanted to see him." He smirks at Tony. "Are you messing around with Thor's baby brother?" 

"Well, first of all, they are not actual brothers," Tony answers, rolling his eyes. "And secondly, and most importantly, no, I am not messing around with Loki." 

"Alright. What's going on then?" 

"Nothing much," Tony shrugs. "We've been working on something together and I was able to finish it today. Loki just had to" — he bites in the apple and takes his time chewing — " _apply the final touch_."

They both raise an eyebrow at him. 

"What does that mean?" Clint asks. 

"Exactly what it means," Tony explains, finishing off his apple. "Loki had to do the last thing needed to make it work." 

"And what exactly is _'it'_?" Natasha asks now. 

"Nothing that concerns you, really."

Tony decides to leave it at that, leave them guessing and wondering, and gets out of the chair. He tosses the rest of the apple into the bin and then heads to his own quarters. He could use a nap, he's been up for almost two days now. 

He wakes up to a text message from Loki, that simply says _'Thank you'_. Tony smiles and goes back to sleep. 

* * *

The next day Thor arrives from New Asgard, thundering steps and booming voice announcing him better than FRIDAY could have. 

Tony has relatively soon realized why Loki's chosen to stay and live at the compound, instead of going to Norway with Thor. Besides Thor's obvious lack of respect towards his brother, his continued dismissal of anything Loki says, it is most notably the fact that Thor barely ever checks on Loki. 

This time is no different. Not once does he ask where Loki is, how he is doing or anything like that. 

And Tony is baffled.

And perhaps a bit upset. 

For all his claims of loving Loki no matter what, Thor sure has a weird way of showing it. 

No one brings Loki up around Thor. They want to see when, if at all, he is going to ask about his brother. They've all come to realize that Thor doesn't care as much as he says he does, which is just wrong. He's more a liar than the supposed God of Lies. Let that sink in for a moment. 

Anyway, Thor _does not_ ask about Loki, not once. Even when Natasha mentions Loki and their chess game, Thor does not acknowledge it at all, does not ask where Loki is or how he's been doing. 

And Tony really wants to hit him with a repulsor beam. 

* * *

Tony does wonder what Loki and the Tesseract are up to, because they haven't been out of Loki's quarters at all. But he isn't as curious as the others, who are constantly pestering him with questions about Loki, like he knows anything. 

He doesn't. Apart from what he's been part of, of course. 

For the last three days, starting with Thor's arrival, they have been asking him almost every chance they've got. Tony has always shrugged it off, said he doesn't know anything, and then retreated to his workshop. 

But apparently they can't take a hint and now it's getting really annoying and irritating. Why can't they just leave it be? They've never been this invested in Loki's life before, and Tony sees no reason that they are now. So Loki had shown an uncharacteristic display of emotion and now has been in his quarters for the past three days. Is that really that interesting? 

It isn't even the first time Loki's locked himself in. In the beginning of his stay here, he had not come out at all for almost a month. It had been understandable, they all had needed to adjust to the new situation, and Loki keeping his distance had probably been somewhat beneficial, in a strange sorta way. 

Anyway, they've all come to actually like Loki, and Tony gets that under all the curiosity they are probably just concerned about the god. But they could just go to his rooms and knock. He probably won't open but they could at least try. 

Yeah, they ask him, because Tony usually has the most contact with Loki, mostly because they both enjoy some mental sparring and Loki often gives him company in the lab, even before he asked him to give the Tesseract a body. 

Tony actually misses that right now. It's usually at least twice a week that Loki joins him, often just to watch him and ask questions. That guy has a thirst for knowledge that is incredible, and he's way better than Thor at grasping technology.

He gets that Loki wants to enjoy some alone-time with his… friend? Partner? Tony isn't sure, but it doesn't matter anyway. Point is, he gets it, but he still misses the easy company of the Trickster. 

No point in being sad or disappointed though, there are more important matters at hand, namely the way too curious Avengers team. 

It is now, when he hasn't had his morning coffee yet, that they once again ask him if he knows anything about Loki, what he's up to, if he's okay. 

He feels his eye twitch and slams the hand down on the counter. 

"God, you guys are annoying!" he groans and turns around to them. 

Everyone except for Bruce is here, even Steve, which Tony can't understand at all. Why is he so curious about what Loki's up to? He could ask, he could ask any of them, but he is pretty sure that the answers will be less than satisfactory, or plain lies. 

"You know something, Tony," Natasha says pointing a ballpoint pen at him like it's a threat. Okay, knowing Natasha, she might actually be able to kill someone with something like that. 

Tony sighs resigned and turns back around to take care of his coffee. "I know exactly one thing, and I don't see how it's any of your business. Clearly Loki doesn't want anyone else to know, yet at least." 

"Tell us," Clint outright demands, sounding way too excited. 

Tony hesitates. He doesn't want Loki to possibly be mad at him, but he also wants to get these idiots off his back. He'll text Loki later, tell him that they know, and hopes he won't be upset. 

Tony sighs again and runs a hand over his face. It's too early for this, and he too tired. He hadn't slept last night, stupid nightmares. And those assholes won't let him at least have a cup of coffee before they pester him. 

He has the strong urge to punch one of them. 

"He has a date," Tony simply says then, and it isn't exactly a lie, just not the whole truth. 

"My brother has a date?" suddenly comes from the entrance of the common area. 

They all turn around to see Thor standing there, mouth agape and looking utterly dumbstruck. 

"He does." 

"For three days?!" Clint asks confused. "What kind of date is that?" 

"How should I know?" Tony turns around to them again. "Listen. All you need to know— No, wait, this isn't any of your business to begin with, so… All I'm gonna tell you is that Loki isn't alone and he's well." He glares at them. "Can I please drink my coffee in peace now?" 

"Who is the lady with my brother?" Thor wants to know now, coming over to them, and everyone collectively frowns at him. 

It is somewhat ignorant and close-minded of him to assume that it's a woman and not a guy. Tony can't say he's surprised, Thor doesn't seem all to fond of the idea of two men making out. He's never said anything explicitly bad about it, but he's mentioned Asgard's view on it, and it isn't exactly a stretch to say that he has the same views then. 

"It's not a lady," Tony chooses to tell him, curious about his reaction. 

Thor stares at him, even more dumbstruck than before, like that is even possible. 

There's a few beats of tense silence before Thor nods and asks, "Who is the gentleman with my brother, then?" 

Tony can't exactly hide the smile. Not so ignorant and close-minded then, that's good. Maybe it's just because it's Loki. He doesn't know, maybe Tony doesn't give Thor enough credit. Or maybe he's just a good liar, pretending to be okay with it. 

"Not exactly a guy either," Tony answers. 

Now everyone looks at him confused. 

"But," Thor muses, "aren't there only two genders?" 

Tony chuckles and shakes his head. Taking his cup of coffee, he walks over to Thor and puts a hand on his shoulder. 

"Oh my sweet summer child, you have much to learn," he says and then leaves. 

* * *

"It's so confusing!" 

Tony peeks into the common room and chuckles at the scene. Natasha and Clint are sitting in the armchairs, opposite of them, on the couch, is Thor, a frustrated expression on his face. Steve sits a little to the side, nodding with a knowing and understanding look. 

"He has a point there," Steve agrees. 

Tony walks in. "What are you doing?" 

"Explaining to Thor the whole LGBTQ+ stuff," Natasha explains. 

Tony laughs and grins at Thor. "Oh buddy, you're in for something." He comes over and leans against Natasha's armchair. 

"The most important lesson is: respect people's pronouns and preferences and boundaries, and generally just don't be a bigot." 

Thor looks at him confused. "Bigot?" 

"Don't be a jerk, asshole, whatever, and respect other people." 

"You don't have to understand everything," Clint tells Thor. "It is confusing, even for people who are from Earth. It is a lot to grasp." 

Thor nods and then looks very thoughtful. "There were times when Loki would show himself as a woman. What is that?" 

"Depends on his mindset," Tony answers. 

"He explained it to me once. He said he feels like a woman one day, and a man the other." 

"Genderfluid would fit," Natasha says. 

"Is it he then?" Thor asks, genuinely sounding interested and determined. Maybe there is hope for him yet. "I understand the whole pronouns thing, couldn't it be them?" 

"It's a good question," Steve chimes in. "We never asked." 

"Well that's rude of us," Tony grimaces. "But he's also never corrected us, and I think he would've if he wouldn't be comfortable with it." 

They hum in agreement. 

"Well, we can still ask," Clint points out. 

"One thing is pretty clear though," Tony says. "Loki's most definitely ace." 

Thor furrows his brows. "Ace…? That's asexual, right?" He looks to Natasha for confirmation or correction, but she nods smiling. Thor smiles proudly. "What does that mean again?" He awkwardly rubs his neck. 

"Lack of sexual attraction, but there's a lot to it," Clint answers, looking thoughtful himself. "There are aces that do like to have sex, then some that want nothing to do with it, some that are neutral about it." He shrugs. "It's a whole spectrum." 

Thor groans again and let's his head drop back. "It's so much and so confusing!" 

Natasha looks up at Tony. "How do you know he's ace?" 

"Part educated guess, part he hinted at it." Tony chuckles. "He seemed rather excited when I told him we have words for those things." 

"Well, it _is_ a great feeling when you find a word for what you feel, for your identity," Natasha points out. "I'd say it's liberating." 

Tony nods and looks over at Thor, who looks like his head is going to explode from all the new information. 

"Hey, Thunder Pants," he says. "You're trying, that's a good thing. Show Loki that you actually care and that you respect him, all of him. You can't do much wrong with that." 

Thor nods and sighs. "I was awful to him in the past, I want to make it up to him, make it right. He's my baby brother and I love him." 

"Show him that, and that you care about him." Tony crosses his arms. "Because frankly, you're lacking in that department big time. When you arrived the other day, you didn't ask about Loki, _not once_." 

Thor looks at him sad and guilty and lets his head hang. There's nothing he can say to make that right. 

"I'm a horrible brother." 

"I wouldn't go that far. Like I said, just show Loki that you actually do care about him and his opinions, be supportive and compassionate." Tony pauses. "And for Heaven's sake, do not call his magic _'tricks'_ or play his issues and emotions down." 

Thor nods. "I can do that! I promise!" 

"Not us you have to promise it to." 

"Well, I feel the need to mention," Natasha interrupts, "that if you hurt him in any way, I will hurt you." Everyone nods agreeing. 

Thor looks at them surprised. 

"What?" Steve shrugs. "We like him, and we're protective of him." 

Thor smiles sadly. "It is nice that Loki has found people that care about him like that." 

"We're all a big family," Tony grins at him. "Maybe a bit dysfunctional, but a family still." 

Thor looks at them determined. "I can be better," he says. "I can be the brother he deserves. Like… Like it used to be, a long time ago." 

"Put the effort in and I'm sure Loki will appreciate that," Natasha replies. 

Thor nods. "Should I go now?" 

"Nah, wait until he leaves his rooms," Tony suggests grinning. "Pretty sure he wants some alone-time currently." 

"Who is with him?" 

"That's not for me to tell. You will meet them eventually." 

Tony claps in the hands. "Alrighty. I need coffee." 

"How much did you have today already?" Steve asks, narrowing his eyes at him. 

Tony looks at him for a moment and then shrugs. "Something between zero and six. Take your pick." Then he heads to the kitchen and once the coffee is done, he goes back to his lab. 

* * *

It is quiet the rest of the week.

Tony is mostly busy with improving his prosthetic arm, sometimes getting help from Peter when the kid visits. 

Natasha and Clint are still busy teaching Thor, by now it's more than just about the LGBTQ+ community though. 

Bucky's arrived at the compound and he and Steve are also busy, Tony does not want to know with what exactly. All he knows is that they're not in the gym but in Steve's private quarters. 

He's exchanged a few texts with Loki, asking how it's going and about his preferred pronouns, to hich Loki had said that he/him is fine, for now. He's told him that Thor is there, but not more than that. 

And he's asked if he ever decides to come out again, to which Loki had just sent a shrugging emoji. 

At least one alien viking that understands technology, nice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Kudos/comments appreciated, just please be kind.


	5. Pan(-orama) View

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pan's thoughts about Loki.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😱 A new chapter already?! That fast?!
> 
> Nah, not really, this chapter was already halfway done when I started Chapter 4...
> 
> The title is just a stupid pun, obviously. 
> 
> No dialogue or actions in this, just thoughts and emotions.
> 
> Anyway, enjoy.

It's been about a week since Stark has given the Tesseract a body, a week since Loki has given them a new name — Pan —, and a week since they have first hugged their favourite god, kissed him even. 

A wonderful week. 

A wonderful life. 

They're finally able to hold Loki, comfort him when he's having a nightmare or doesn't feel well. They're finally able to see the joyful mischievous glint in his eyes when he's playing pranks or doing magic. They're finally able to see how Loki looks at them, a look of pure love and adoration, so much affection. 

Before now, the Tesseract had only ever been able to _sense_ Loki, giving them a vague outline of the god but nothing clear. Loki's been always a kind presence, someone that didn't intend to use the Tesseract like everyone else. They've felt a strong, comforting connection with the young god from the very beginning, their very first meeting. 

Unfortunately they've never had any clear image of Loki, just the sound of his voice, and the sensation of strong emotions, like distress and grief, or joy and excitement. 

The lack of a clear image didn't do anything to how much they love Loki though. Loki's been the only _good_ presence the Tesseract has ever encountered in their very long existence, everyone else only ever wanted to use them for some evil scheme. But not Loki, he didn't want to use them at all. If anything, he had wanted to prevent Thanos from obtaining so much power, and he had done all in his power to do that, even if he had failed in the end. 

The Tesseract would have preferred it if Loki hadn't given them up for his _worthless_ brother's life. 

Yes, in their humble opinion, Thor was worthless, just a big meanie who doesn't appreciate Loki, doesn't accept him for who he is, who just really doesn't deserve someone as compassionate as Loki. 

Compassionate and other things. The list is long, full of things they admire and love about Loki, things they've noticed even before they were able to _actually_ see him. 

They are glad, though, that they can finally look at Loki in all his glory, admire his sharp cheekbones and jawline, his soft, wavy hair, those brilliant green eyes. 

But what's even better is that over the past week, Pan has been helping Loki accept himself and his heritage. He's been dropping the illusion on his skin more and more often. 

Pan still thinks it's the most beautiful thing they've ever seen. 

And they still wish they could kick whoever made Loki believe otherwise. 

Loki's grown more comfortable with seeing his blue skin, the markings all over his body. He isn't as fond of them as Pan, but at least he doesn't hate himself anymore for something he has no control over, that's a start at least. 

If Pan gives Loki more kisses when he's in his true Jötun form, so what? They just want him to _believe_ that he is beautiful like that. It doesn't matter much to Pan what Loki chooses to represent himself like, but it _is_ important to them that he accepts his heritage and sees that there is no shame in being Jötun, that his soft blue skin and delicate markings are beautiful. 

They are fairly sure that Loki's caught on to what they're doing, but so far he hasn't said anything, so they assume he's alright with it. At least judging by the fact that Loki hasn't put the illusion back up since Friday. That's almost three days. Progress. 

He's even tried himself at ice magic, which had Pan in absolute awe. Loki doing magic in general had them in awe because he looks so happy and confident then, he's positively glowing. Truly a beautiful look on him. Not that he isn't always beautiful, he absolutely is. 

Something Pan has discovered very quickly and which they adore, is that Loki is a cuddler, a very dedicated cuddler. They've spent hours just in each other's arms, Loki snuggled into Pan, his head on their chest or shoulder, just generally being very relaxed and comfortable. And on more than one occasion the god had fallen asleep like that, too. 

That Loki's comfortable is one of the most important things for Pan and they are glad that they finally can actively help him. 

It's not all rainbows and flowers though. The relationship itself is good, but Loki isn't. 

He has a lot of nightmares, some more violent than others. The first time Pan had witnessed it, it had actually shocked them and it had taken a few minutes for them to get through to Loki and calm him. The ordeal had left Loki utterly exhausted and he had slumped against Pan. He hadn't wanted to go back to sleep, so they had just talked. Not about the nightmare, but about a variety of other stuff. 

Loki gets severe migraines, rendering him completely unable to do anything. He just lies there, curled into a ball, in a completely dark room, every source of sound removed. Pan can't do much to help him then, to ease the pain, and they hate it. They hate seeing their beloved in any kind of pain. Thankfully, in those times, Loki isn't averse to Pan holding him. They hope that that at least helps a little bit. 

Some things are just easier to bear when you're not alone. 

Pan wonders if it's a remnant of the prolonged exposure to the mind stone. It's a possibility, but they can't know for sure. 

They wish they could take that away from Loki, make it all better, but unfortunately they can't. All they can do is be there for him, comfort him. 

As much as they love Loki, there's something that bothers Pan, and that's that Loki doesn't eat much. They even have to actively remind him to eat, more than once. They don't know why it is like that, but they don't like it, it's not healthy. But Loki is stubborn and they've actually gotten into an argument about that. 

Loki had said that he can go longer without food than the average human, to which Pan had replied that that's totally irrelevant because _he_ _still needs to eat_!

Pan would probably be alright with it if it's at least one proper meal per day, but it isn't even that, it's two days or more without any kind of food at all. 

Loki's cooked once during the week though. He had seemed quite excited about it, and then heartbreakingly sad and disappointed when he had remembered that Pan does not need to eat. 

It would probably make convincing Loki to eat more a lot easier if Pan would need to eat. Alas, that's not the case and trying to convince Loki's stupid ass is a far more difficult endeavour than Pan had expected. 

They love their stupid ass partner very much though, no matter what. 

(Look, they mean stupid in a very affectionate, loving way. Loki is a literal genius, but sometimes he is just being an idiot, like when he somehow forgot that tea is hot and burned his tongue, or when he accidentally hit his head when opening a cabinet, or eating ice cream too fast and getting "brain freeze" from it, but still continuing to eat despite his head hurting, or when he got tangled in a blanket and actually needed help to get out. At least he said he couldn't do it alone, Pan wasn't convinced though, but they also didn't mind because getting Loki untangled was immediately followed by cuddles.)

Plus, it's only been a week, so perhaps Pan can change that habit at least. It's the only thing they would change, and only because they care about Loki. They just want Loki to be healthy and happy and relaxed and at peace. And not eating is not the way to get there. 

They wonder if Loki's always been like that, or if it's a more recent development, as a result of the extensive trauma he's suffered over the past few years. Working on that will be difficult as well, but at least now Pan can help Loki through it. 

Someone actually worrying about his well-being seems to be a wild concept for Loki as well. Definitely need to change that. 

And he still has problems with believing he isn't alone anymore, or that Pan is now with him. 

There's been exactly three times Loki's woken up startled, which in return had woken Pan, and had looked around irritated until meeting Pan's eyes. He had immediately snuggled into them again, mumbling something that had sounded suspiciously like _"It wasn't a dream"_ in a relieved, teary tone.

Loki believes he doesn't deserve the happiness he's experiencing, that he doesn't deserve having someone by his side, and if they'd actually have a _heart_ , and not just a power source, Pan's would be breaking at that thought. 

Loki's made mistakes, some more terrible than others, but at the core he's a kind and sweet person, compassionate and caring, smart and resourceful. He is a lot of things and Pan loves him dearly. Yes, he's made mistakes and bad decisions, but in their opinion, a few years of making bad choices do not nullify the _centuries_ of being a kind person, a good son and prince, despite it not being acknowledged or appreciated. 

Besides, if those bad decisions are a result of being pressured or traumatized, they are somewhat understandable. It doesn't justify the crimes, but it explains why they were committed. 

Also, Loki is not responsible for the invasion, not completely anyway. He wasn't acting on his own accord, but as an agent of Thanos and the Black Order. He was nothing but a tool to them, a means to an end. He had suffered extensive torture at their hands, had been controlled by the mind stone, and yet he still had maintained some of his free will and sanity, enough to sabotage the invasion at least. If he hadn't, if he had used his entire skillset to its full potential, the invasion would've gone a lot worse. 

Pan admires Loki's ability to keep some of himself locked away, safely out of reach of anyone who tried to influence him, even when faced with the power of the mind stone and under immeasurable torture. 

And they are proud of him for never giving up, for always fighting, even when he had reached the limit of what he could endure. 

They are proud of him for still being kind and compassionate, even after everything that had happened. It could've twisted him, and perhaps for some time it had, but he had found his way back, and he had done it alone, which couldn't have been easy. It is much easier to be exactly what people expect you to be— they say you're evil, and you end up thinking _'Very well, I'll show you how evil I can be'_. But it is a lot harder defying the view others have of you and being the exact opposite of what they say you are. It takes courage and determination, things Loki has no shortage of. 

Maybe Pan can't be fully objective, because they love Loki unconditionally, no matter his past mistakes and flaws. They don't care what others say about Loki, they know him better, and they would gladly start a fight with anyone who disrespects or insults Loki. They are fairly sure Loki wouldn't appreciate that though. 

All they really want is for Loki to be happy and they would do anything for him. 

They can't imagine ever being separated from him again, because now that they're finally not a _cube_ anymore, they can hug and kiss and cuddle their beloved. They could and would never give that up, for nothing.

Because Loki is their whole world.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it!
> 
> Kudos/comments appreciated, just please be kind.


	6. Fallen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Loki hurts himself and Pan takes care of him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 😱 Another one! I'm on a roll!
> 
> No, I'm really not. This has just been in my head for a long time, probably since I started the story, or decided to write more for it. 
> 
> It's just a cute, soft chapter, with a little bit of whump I suppose. It's also quite a long chapter? 
> 
> Anyway, Loki is in this, but not in the way you may think. 
> 
> Well, hope you'll like it! Enjoy!

"Loki?" Pan asks into the semi-darkness of their bedroom but is met with nothing but silence.

For approximately five seconds, that's when they hear frantic shuffling, a high-pitched surprised yelp, and then something falls, which is followed by a whimper.

Pan waits for two beats before turning on the lights and looks around. At the foot of the wardrobe they spot a small, turned over box that usually rests on top of the wardrobe with a blanket in it. Pained whimpers are coming from under it, somewhat muffled by the blanket and box though. 

That has Pan worriedly up and out of the bed in a matter of seconds, kneeling down beside the box and carefully lifting it, then also taking the blanket away. 

Underneath it they find a tiny dragon, about the size of a not yet fully grown cat, with brilliant icy scales, a spiky tail and curved horns with intricate markings that make them look like they've been woven. One of the fine wings is in an awkward angle and pressed close to the body of the dragon. 

Brilliant red eyes look up at them, another pained whimper escaping the small creature. He shuffles close to Pan and clumsily climbs into their lap. 

Pan puts a hand on his head and gently massages the brow. "Oh Loki, did you hurt your wing?" 

The dragon whimpers again and nods, snuggling closer to Pan and pressing his snout into their stomach. 

Pan scoops him up, careful not to touch the hurt wing and settles in the bed with the hurt dragon curled up in their lap, still whimpering in pain. 

Yesterday, Loki had decided to turn into a dragon, much to Pan's amusement as their now scaley partner had flown and _bounced_ around the rooms like he was a _literal_ baby dragon, and not a thousand year old god.

It is refreshing to see him like that though, not the dragon part, although that is rather fascinating and amusing too, but how freely and carefree Loki acts around Pan. They know he wouldn't outside of these rooms, with other people there to see him. But in here, it's just them and Loki knows that Pan would never judge or anything, so Loki is as silly and playful as he wants to be. 

That's probably also why Loki has not turned back since, which had caused a small silly argument between them when it had been time for bed last night, because Loki had refused to leave his makeshift nest on top of the wardrobe. Pan had suggested taking the box with the blanket to bed but Loki hadn't wanted that, probably because he likes the elevated spot.

And now they have the dilemma. 

When Pan had called his name upon waking up — they had fully expected Loki to come down eventually and join them, but apparently that hadn't happened —, Loki must have startled awake and knocked the box, with him inside, off the wardrobe. He must've fallen onto his wing and hurt it, maybe even broken it, judging by the awkward angle it is in. 

Pan sighs and carefully picks Loki up to set him down on the bed, much to the dragon's displeasure who protests loudly. 

"Stop snarling at me," Pan reprimands him. "Let me look at your wing." 

Suddenly Loki doesn't protest anymore, instead he stumbles away from Pan's stretched out hand. He lets out pained, but also scared whimpers. 

Pan knows he isn't scared of them, just of being touched and being more in pain than he already is. 

"I'll be careful and gentle," Pan promises softly, patiently holding out their hand. 

After a few moments, Loki slowly crawls closer, pressing his head to Pan's hand and then trustingly turns the side with the hurt wing to them. 

Pan carefully touches the wing, and Loki immediately flinches, a tiny whimper escaping him. 

"I'm sorry, but I have to," they tell the dragon. They look thoughtful for a moment and then put a pillow in front of Loki, who immediately buries his fangs in it.

Pan once again carefully touches the wing, noticing out of the corner of their eyes how Loki bites down harder on the pillow, a muffled pained whimper escaping him again. Pan can't bear seeing, or hearing, Loki in pain, less so when _they're_ making it even worse for him, but they need to check the wing. They want to help him. 

They scan the wing and unfortunately it is in fact broken, and there's also a small tear in the membrane of the wing, which must be even more painful for Loki.

Pan carefully lets go of the wing and strokes Loki's head for a bit, which is clearly calming him but he's still whimpering and his eyes are squeezed shut. It hurts them to see Loki in such pain and they wish they could take it away, fix it right now, but unfortunately they can't. They're sure Loki's enhanced healing will kick in eventually, but even then it may be hours or even days before it's completely healed. They're not sure if there's a difference between healing in his usual form or as a dragon. They doubt it but also can't know for sure. 

They tenderly stroke Loki's head. "I don't know how I can help you," they say sadly. "Will it heal on its own, or do you need something?" 

Loki releases the pillow from his bite and looks over to a small wooden chest in the corner. Pan nods, understanding what Loki tries to tell them and gets up to get the chest over to the bed. 

Inside the chest are several bottles with potions, containers with salves and ointments, and bandages— basically, it's Loki's magical first-aid-kit.

Loki walks to the chest and peeks inside, pointing out two things with his claws. Pan takes them and looks at them, one is a potion, the other a salve. They smile at their hurt dragon and stroke his head. 

"It's gonna be alright, love," they say soothingly, leaning down to place a tender kiss on Loki's head. Loki purrs softly, but it isn't the usual happy purr, but a sad, pained one. 

Pan gets up and gets a bowl from the kitchen to pour the potion in and place it in front of Loki, who immediately eagerly slurps it up. Pan is stroking his head while he drinks. They wonder if Loki is able to turn back right now, but given that he hasn't yet, they are guessing he can't; or that it would be risky to do so. 

Once Loki has finished the potion, he looks up at Pan with pain-filled eyes and then nudges the salve. Pan takes off the lid and applies some of the salve to Loki's wing, spreading it thoroughly all over it. They grab a bandage from the chest and fixate the wing close to Loki's body, wrapping the bandage around his body, careful not to hurt him more or hinder the movement of the other wing. 

When they're done, they scoop Loki up and cradle him in their arms, soothingly stroking his head. Loki is still whimpering softly, snuggling as close to Pan as possible, pressing his snout into their chest and crying quietly.

Pan can't imagine the pain he must be in right now, but they wish they could take it away from him. All they can do is hold him though and give some comfort. 

They lie back down and Loki immediately curls up next to their head, resting his head on their shoulder. 

"It's gonna be okay, Loki," they tell him softly, scritching the dragon's neck. 

Loki cries softly and moves around a bit, trying to find a position to comfortably lie in. He protests when Pan suddenly gets up again, but can't do much more than follow them with his eyes. 

He wishes he could turn back but it is safer to stay in this form until the wing is healed. But he really wants to hug Pan right now, feel their arms around him. 

He watches as Pan picks up the blanket from the floor and then makes a makeshift nest for Loki on their pillow. They carefully pick Loki up and settle him in the nest, tenderly stroking his head to calm him. 

"Is there anything in there" — they point at the magical first-aid-kit — "that could ease the pain a little?" 

Loki whines and shakes his head. 

Pan sighs. "That's unfortunate." 

They curl protectively around the small nest and start stroking Loki's head again. 

"How long will healing take?" they ask as Loki snuggles into his nest, apparently having found a somewhat comfortable position. 

Loki huffs two tiny clouds of icy air out of his nostrils. 

"Two? Two what? Hours?" Loki shakes his head. "Days?" A nod and a whine. "Oh dear." 

Pan leans over and tenderly kisses Loki's head. "It's going to be okay, darling."

Loki whines and lets his head drop, looking sad and in pain. It would make Pan's heart break if they had one. Seeing Loki like this, in such pain and so sad, hurts them and they feel a spark of guilt, because if they hadn't startled Loki, he never would have fallen. 

As if Loki knows what they are thinking, he nudges his snout against their nose, a soft purr rising from his throat. 

Pan smiles at him. "I love you too, Loki," they whisper. 

* * *

The next two days are spent with carrying Loki around, as he does not like it when Pan is too far away ("too far" being like three or four feet, which is approximately the distance from the bed to the door) and because Pan is scared Loki will hurt himself more if he tries to follow them around, so Loki is perched on Pan's shoulders if he isn't in his nest on the bed. 

Pan makes Loki small sandwiches to eat, but the mischievous dragon prefers to snack on fruit, trying to fit an entire apple in his mouth because he's being deliberately stupid. So Pan cuts a bowl of fruits for Loki to devour _loudly_. 

Entertaining Loki is difficult though, since he easily grows bored and would rather fly and bounce around. So Pan had to get creative and made up some games for the injured dragon, mostly parkour courses that he could do walking, some puzzle games. Unfortunately, Loki is a little too smart and quickly solved them. 

Once, they had left Loki alone for not even five minutes while he was taking a nap, and had come back to Loki whimpering on the floor because he had fallen off the bed in search of them. They hope it didn't set the healing of the wing back. 

Pan is busy keeping their dragon out of trouble and making sure he doesn't harm himself more. The frustration that comes with that is worth it in the end though, because Loki cuddles them more. Plus, Pan can make sure Loki eats enough. 

Loki is a bit of a handful like this, but Pan doesn't mind, he is cute like this too, and they love him no matter what. 

Two days after the accident, Loki wakes them by poking them repeatedly in the face with his pointy snout. He is wiggling excitedly and nibbling at the bandage. 

"Stop that," Pan sighs, sitting up. "I'll take it off later." 

Loki frowns at them and continues trying to get the bandage off. Pan lets out an exasperated sigh and then picks the bundle of energy up, making him yelp surprised. 

"First, breakfast," Pan says decidedly. 

Loki rolls his eyes and whines. 

"No arguments," Pan scolds him softly and puts him on their shoulders. 

Loki groans annoyed, but settles on their shoulders without any further protest. In fact, he looks rather happy up there, grinning stupidly. 

Pan sets Loki down on the counter. "Do not move," they tell him and then proceed to make him breakfast. 

Of course Loki doesn't listen and sneaks closer to Pan and the food he's preparing, but then gets distracted by the bowl with fruits in the corner and bites into a banana. Pan chuckles, but takes it away, making Loki whine and try to snatch the banana from their hand. 

"No fruit yet," Pan says, to which Loki replies with poking his tongue out at them. "Do you know that you are quite the handful?" 

Loki preens at that, seeming rather proud of that statement. Pan chuckles and strokes his head a few times, before taking the bowl of fruits away completely. Loki looks up at them _utterly devastated_ and lets out a broken whine. 

Pan looks at him and sighs, they just can't not give in to that look, it's unfair. So they cut off the part of banana Loki has already bitten into and give it to him. Loki squeals in delight and grabs the piece of banana with his claws. He sits back on his hindlegs, holding the banana like a racoon and happily nibbles away at it, peel and all.

Pan shakes their head smiling softly and continues making breakfast for Loki. They cut the sandwiches into little bites and set the plate down in front of Loki, who immediately starts devouring the food. 

Maybe the difference is rather that Loki likes it when Pan prepares the food, not that he doesn't want to eat. They can work with that. If it means Loki will eat more regularly, they don't mind cooking for him. 

Okay, maybe he also doesn't want to eat much, it's hard to say. All they know is that Loki's eaten more in the past two days as a dragon than in the days before that combined. 

He's also snacking on fruit a lot, and Pan wonders why he doesn't do that in his normal form. The fruit is always there, after all. 

Oh well, they'll figure out how to make Loki eat regularly. 

Soon enough the food is gone and Loki hungrily eyes the bowl of fruits behind Pan, then looks at them pleadingly. 

"Alright," Pan chuckles and picks a few different fruits from the bowl to cut them into small pieces. Loki occasionally steals one or two, thinking he is very sneaky about it but Pan notices, they just don't react to the theft. 

Pan pushes the cutting board with the piles of fruit cubes to Loki, who once again squeals in delight and starts happily munching on the fruits, making rather loud smacking noises.

It doesn't take Loki long to devour all the fruit and then he yawns, tenderly clawing at Pan's arm as a request to be picked up, which Pan promptly does. Instead of perching on their shoulders though, Loki settles in their arms, resting his head in the crook of Pan's elbow, yawning again and then closing his eyes. 

Pan carries Loki back to their bedroom and carefully lies down with Loki already asleep on their chest. 

* * *

In the afternoon, Loki — after having devoured yet another bowl of fruit, this time with yogurt though — is busy with clambering over a few makeshift obstacles and running through tunnels made of upholstery and books (sacrilegious!), occasionally solving some brain-teaser puzzles. This time around, Pan has hidden snacks in the puzzles. 

Pan sits on the couch with one of Loki's books about dragons in their lap, every now and then looking up to make sure Loki is both still busy and well. He clearly is enjoying the snack-finding and Pan notices that Loki occasionally looks over to them. Either to make sure they are still there, or to check if they are watching. 

When he's reached the end of the course, having found all the snacks, Loki clumsily climbs onto the couch and then into Pan's lap, right on the book. 

Pan chuckles. "Done?" Loki flicks his tongue. "Glad you had fun." 

Loki nudges their hand and then nibbles at the bandage again. 

"Right," Pan nods and puts the book aside, then picks Loki up and go to the bedroom with him. 

They put Loki down on the bed and then carefully start removing the bandage, although that's made a little more difficult by Loki being all wiggly again. 

"Hold still or I might hurt you," Pan tells Loki sternly, and thankfully his partner listens to them. 

They remove the bandage completely and then wait. Loki wiggles his wings briefly, testing if that causes any pain and then spreads them, a relieved sigh escaping him. He beams up at Pan and flaps his wings a few times before leaping into the air. 

"Don't overdo it!" Pan reminds him worried as Loki flies loops around the room. 

Loki roars happily, doing a sharp turn and just narrowly not flying headfirst into the wall. Pan inhales sharply and keeps watching Loki intently. 

Suddenly Loki is enveloped by the tell-tale green glow of his magic and he turns back into his usual form in mid-air, crashing down on Pan with a noise that sounds suspiciously like _'woo'_. 

Thank goodness this body is very durable. Otherwise Loki landing on them would've been rather unfortunate. 

They still let out a surprised _'oof'_ though. 

Loki giggles and pushes himself up to look at Pan with radiant red eyes, his blue skin having an otherworldly glow to it in the dim light of the bedroom. 

"Hello there," Pan chuckles and grins up at the god, who's sitting on top of them with his hands on their chest. "Are you comfy?" 

"Very much so, yes." Loki grins at him brightly. 

Pan chuckles and wraps their arms around Loki, effectively pulling him back down, and then kiss him softly and lovingly. 

"Are you okay?" they ask after a moment. 

Loki nods. "Yes, all good." He lifts his head and smiles. "Thank you." 

Pan caresses Loki's cheek and kisses him again. "No need to thank me." 

Loki smiles and settles on top of his partner, sighing happily as he's finally able to hug them again. Not that all the cuddles he had gotten as a dragon hadn't been good, but this is even better. 

They remain like that for a long time, Pan running their fingers through Loki's soft hair. 

Until they huff out a laugh and say, "You really are a handful as a dragon, my love." 

Loki laughs and rolls off them. "I'm a handful under normal circumstances too." 

Pan hums. "Not to me." They pull Loki close to them and kiss his forehead. "Because loving you is easy." 

Loki looks away, obviously hiding a blush. "It really isn't…" he says rather sadly though. 

Pan makes Loki look at them again and cup his face in their hands. "It really is. You're such a wonderful person." 

Loki smiles softly at them and then snuggles into them. "I love you too." 

Pan holds Loki close to them and kisses his head. "You're my world, Loki," they whisper into his ear. 

"And you're mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you liked it! 
> 
> This is probably the last one for a while because I've run out of ideas, and also need to get to work on some other stories I have postpone due to lack of inspiration/motivation.
> 
> Anyway, kudos/comments always appreciated, just please be kind.


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